Troy summed up in five words: Paris is a damn fool!

For anyone who doesn't know, Troy is loosely based on Homer's (not Simpson) The Iliad. I will admit up front, if you have any knowledge of Greek mythology, it will probably come in handy while watching this movie. Before I actually get into the review, here's a quick rundown of what happens: Troy and Sparta are somewhat at peace. Young Prince from Troy meets pretty girl. Girl is married. To King of Sparta. Prince and Girl fall in love. They elope to Troy. King gets angry. He declares war on Troy. Mayhem ensues. Will Prince and former Queen live happily ever after? Well, you'll have to just see the movie, because I'm not telling...

My husband and I actually got to see a movie yesterday. You're probably thinking "oh big whoop, I see movies all the time!" Well, we have a toddler, and it's hard to do this kind of thing anymore! We ended up going to see Troy. That was a good decision, since it's a pretty good movie.

Characters:

Achilles: Brad Pitt (Uber-warrior)
Hector: Eric Bana (Grrr...Helllooooooo Hector! Heir to his Father's throne)
Paris: Orlando Bloom (Why can't we all just get along?!)
King Priam (of Troy): Peter O'Toole (Father of Hector and Paris)
Helen of Troy: Diane Kruger (beautiful, somewhat neglected wife of King Menelaus)
King Menelaus (of Sparta): Brendan Gleeson (even the King can't keep his wife away from Legolas...err, Paris)
Agamemnon: Brian Cox (greedy, evil brother of Menelaus)
Andromache: Saffron Burrows (devoted wife of Hector)
Briseis: Rose Byrne (oooh, she's a fiesty one! Niece of King Priam, cousin to Hector and Paris)

There has been previously been tension between the cities of Troy and Sparta, but at the start of Troy, the two cities are tentatively at peace. This peace is shattered however, when Prince Paris meets and falls in love with King Menelaus' wife, Helen of Sparta. That in itself isn't so bad, but before Paris leaves, the two lovers decide to elope to Paris' homeland of Troy (Paris and his brother Hector were in Sparta being honored by King Menelaus). Helen tells Paris that Menelaus will always search for her...Paris knows that they'll never be safe...Hector, Paris' wise older brother even tells him not to bring her to Troy because it will start a war...and what does the romantic little wussy Paris do? Says he loves her, would DIE for her even, and she is coming with him!

Just as Hector expected, King Menelaus is furious when he discovers his wife has run off with Paris. He doesn't really care about getting his wife back, but he does want vengeance on Paris, and thus declares war on Troy. But wait! First he needs the supposedly immortal Achilles to lead the battle. This poses a slight problem, seeing as Achilles loathes Menelaus' brother, Agamemnon. Achilles does agree to lead the battle, but for Greece, not Agamemnon. Thus, Achilles leads a thousand ships and his 50,000 men to Troy for battle. Saying any more will ruin the movie, so...you'll have to see it if you want to know the ending!

I was a little surprised at the acting ability in this movie. Many times in movies of this magnitude, there's that one person who just, well, sucks. Not in Troy! Everyone did a great job. Brad Pitt made me both love and hate Achilles. Achilles seemed a little egotistical to me - his ultimate goal was for people to remember his name for years to come, no matter the cost. I can understand his not wanting to fight for Agamemnon, but to hide away in his hut and refuse to fight until he apologized was slightly childish. Suck it up, you have a job to do! On the other hand though, he could also be equally compassionate and understanding. If you weren't able to tell earlier, I didn't care for Paris much at all. Orlando Bloom did a great job, don't get me wrong, I just think the character was a little wimpy (definitely more of a lover than a fighter). He did try and be manly though - he challenged King Menelaus to a fight (where the winner gets to take Helen), but when Menelaus actually accepts the challenge, the look on Paris' face just screams "oh crap, I didn't think he'd take me up on this!" I did feel a little sorry for Paris though, his father, King Priam, seemed to slightly favor the more macho Hector. And oooh, let's talk about Hector! I liked Hector - a lot!! Like many siblings, he and Paris are opposites. Where Paris is the dreamy, romantic type, Hector is more reasonable, the one with common sense - but still very devoted to his wife Andromache and their infant son. I'm not sure that I've seen Saffron Burrows in any other movie, but her anguish during Hector's fight against King Menelaus was completely believable. I think I would have been yelling "kick his butt!" but that's just me... Diane Kruger is new (I believe this may be her first movie) and she did well as Helen of Sparta/Troy. Helen seemed to be torn between loyalty to King Menelaus, and her love for Paris. I did have to roll my eyes when she told Paris (after they've eloped, and the night before Achilles & Co attacks) that she didn't want anyone fighting for her. Well Helen, it's a little late to worry about that now, don'tcha think??

I can tell you now, if I had been in the palace at Troy, and saw 1000 ships coming my way, I would have either: A. Soiled myself, or B. Turn around and run away. Or possibly C: done both. The battle scenes were....intimidating...not quite as gory as Braveheart. During part of the battles, all you see are swords and spears and shields flying everywhere - very chaotic. One tiny annoying thing though; occasionally it seemed like the film would pause, then speed up, just for a split second. I wasn't sure if the movie was supposed to be like that, or if it was some very mild goof in editing...it only happened a few times, but I found it just a little tiny bit distracting.

There were a few other things I found a little unbelievable. One of the biggest ones being that Achilles was able to fight dozens and dozens of soldiers during the first battle, and not get a scratch on him! Other soldiers are lying there bleeding, they've been stabbed, slashed, trampled...and yet Achilles still looks pretty. Yeah, right! Also, quite a few of the men in this movie had some sort of facial hair. Now if Achilles is supposed to be off fighting a war, how does he manage to stay clean-shaven the entire movie?! I am just sooo sure that he's out there fighting, then touches his chin and realizes "oh, 5 o'clock stubble, I have to shave! Stop the war!!" And Briseis...one minute she's attempting to slit Achilles' throat, and mere seconds later, she's rolling around in bed with him. You're a NUN, come on!! Ugh...

All in all though, I enjoyed the movie. We liked it more than Gladiator, although it's still a notch below Braveheart. My ultimate opinion on a movie is based on the question "would I add this to my DVD collection?". Yes, we will be buying Troy when is is released on DVD!

Thanks for reading! (this is my first movie review, so be kind with the constructive criticism!) :)

© MH 2004